Inang

By Odel

"We are raised by the memories created within our homes, whether in a small province in Bulacan or the houses floating in fog in Daly City."

Odel: With each plane in the sky, there is always a destination. Everyone on that big metal bird has an intent behind where they are going or where they might end up. On a one-way flight from Manila to San Francisco, my grandparents were off to secure a better life, leaving three daughters on the island of Carabao.

In a province where jeepneys roam the street and roosters wake you from slumber, my mom spent her first seventeen years of life. She was left to be raised by her grandma, or my Inang.

Inang suffered from dementia, but my mom became a vessel for telling all her stories, otherwise lost to memory or time.

She told of how she owed her life to Inang during an armed robbery as a child. She reciprocated this debt, as Inang spent the last seventeen years of her life under my mom's care in our South San Francisco home.

Mom: Okay, so I grew up in the Philippines. It's called Bardias, San Miguel, Bulacan. It's a small community like an hour away from the main town.

My mom and dad left for the United States when I was seven. All I can remember is a little glimpse of where they're in the airport and I'm saying goodbye. I didn't have much emotion about it, I guess. I felt like I know the reason why they're leaving, so it didn't really make me that sad.

After they left, we grew up with Mom's mom and dad, which is Inang and Ama.

Inang only had second-grade education, but she's very smart. She has her own business, they have their own farm.

They will go to the field every morning and go home at night. So we are kind of like on our own. I grew up very independent and not really asking for help.

Odel: What was it like where you lived with Inang?

Mom: So, in the Philippines, there are houses, like, made of wood. Our house is one of the houses where we have TV, so our neighbors or our cousin will come watch TV and Inang has a store attached to her house.

So one night, there's these robbers who just came into the house with a gun. So Grandma, Inang, called all of us—we were scared, we were crying—called all of us to go under the bed in the bedroom, sitting on the bed while we're all hiding under—I don't know if we have four or five kids, our feet are probably sticking out, I don't remember, but they came in, they were asking for money, and I can hear gunshots outside the house.

Basically, after Grandma bravely had a conversation with them, they left without really getting anything, but as they were walking out, someone recognized one of the robbers and they shoot the person because they don't wanna be recognized. He died that day, but all of us were safe because grandma hid us under the bed. So that was a traumatic experience.

Odel: What were your feelings like towards Inang after that experience?

Mom: I was very grateful. I always felt like she's protecting us and she made that sacrifice to take care of us. So, I felt the need to provide for her when she's older.

It was not easy. You know, I didn't really know what that meant when I said I would take care of her. But I did and I will do it again given another chance.

Odel: You grew up independently. Did that affect the way you went through life in America?

Mom: Yeah. I mean, it's good to be independent because you're motivated to do things and you feel like you don't need help, but sometimes it's a little challenging because I keep doing things on my own and I get burned out, like when I was taking care of grandma, I get tired, I get overwhelmed, and then I feel stressed out and I get angry easily. So, letting people in to help me or allowing myself to say, "Hey, I'm overwhelmed, I need help." I try to do everything on my own, but at the same time, I need to learn to get help so that I can do more things without being stressed out about it.

With Inang, I felt like life happened so fast that I don't really have good memories. Even with Inang here, many times I felt like I didn't savor that relationship. I felt like we didn't have good conversation because I'm just busy taking care of the kids and not really, living in the moment and getting to know her more; having more conversations so that I could have known how she grew up, or her childhood—I never asked her childhood. I should have, I felt like. So, make an effort to get to know your family and not just be okay being together without having conversation.

That's the thing I guess I would tell my younger self, is to let people in and savor every stage of your life.

Odel: So, when we get to know our family better, we can carry on those people's memories.

Mom: Yeah, and their stories that I can share with you guys and hopefully you'll share it with your family someday.

Odel: We are raised by the memories created within our homes, whether in a small province in Bulacan, or the houses floating in fog in Daly City, the people who raise us shape our molds; why we care for our elders, or why we keep our friends close. Though fear may knock on my door, I'll find protection under beds and in those who came before. Whether I land up on a speck in the Pacific, or on the coast of gold, I'll understand from every passed down story, how my own will be told.