How Assimilation Shaped My Father and My Family
By Tahlia Torres-Cohen
“I feel like I literally left the life that I had experienced in Israel and there was a stark end to that, and then really started over, like completely started anew.”
Tahlia: As a child of two immigrants, I’m well aware of how my parents’ process of assimilation and their childhood experiences have shaped my cultural identity. I wanted to explore this more. When my dad was six years old, he immigrated with my grandmother and uncle from Israel to America. The process of leaving home and getting used to America was life-changing and jarring for him, and completely shaped the way he sees the world today. I wanted to talk to him and really get to know the child that came to America in the first place. The one who didn’t speak any English, and was terrified.
Dad: And we came to the U.S. and I felt like such an outsider, I just, like…felt like it was a really foreign place, and really kind of, in a way, pretty hostile. It was pretty traumatizing to, like, all of a sudden be in a place where…you have no idea what's going on. You don't speak the language, you don't know what the rules are, like…it was so different. I remember as a kid, in Israel, you just always felt taken care of. You know, people were always looking out for kids. I mean, it was like a real community and…completely different from the U.S. It was pretty traumatizing to all of a sudden be in a place where you have no idea what’s going on. You don’t speak the language, you don't know what the rules are, like…it’s funny, I feel like I just literally left the life that I had… that kind of like I had experienced in Israel and there was a stark end to that, and then really started over, like completely started over anew.
Tahlia: My dad’s experience as a child immigrant of feeling othered and being traumatized by the American culture is shared by many. But luckily, he was eventually given the resources to help him adapt.
Dad: I mean there’s another side to this, too, which is, like… you know, after three, four years, you know, I can speak English well, I moved schools to, like, a more…a better school, and I made friends, and like…so now, I look back on that experience and it really did form who I am, and there’s a lot of strength that I got out of it. You know what I mean? I think there’s a lot of resilience that I got out of it, having made it through…and I remember one day I went into the principal’s office and she kind of said to me, “Okay, like, you’re set, you’re caught up.” And there was a sense of like, “Okay. I’m caught up.” Like, “I’m normal now.”
Tahlia: At the end of the day, my dad was able to adjust and gain a sense of belonging. But I find myself wondering if the way he had to do it more hurt him than helped him. He lost his language, parts of his culture, and the feeling of true belonging to assimilation. And I can’t help but feel that, through him, I did too.