Story of a Young Bride

By Nikou

“It was crazy for me to think about how different her teenage years were from mine.”

Nikou: I wanted to ask my grandmother about her experience growing up as a teenager in boarding school, and having an arranged marriage when she was my age. She first told me about her childhood in Iran. She was born in Mashhad, Iran and her family moved to Tehran when she was ten years old.

Grandmother: We were three brothers and two sisters at that time. And three cousins. We didn’t had TV at that time, we didn't had internet, but we were always together. Lot of trees... flowers... and we were always playing and going under trees. We had a big house, basketball court, and football. I was playing with the boys because my sister Simin was five years younger than me, she was a child. She couldn't play with us. And I was always like a boy playing football and everything. At that time, the girls didn't play football.

Nikou: At age twelve, she left Iran to go to boarding school in Belgium. She was there for six years.

Grandmother: In the beginning, I wanted to go. I insisted. But when I was there, I was always very homesick, and I wanted to go back to Iran.

Nikou: What did you miss about it?

Grandmother: My family first, especially my sister, Simin. And my friends, my country, my house. I didn't know a word in French and it was hard for me, but I never told my parents. A lot of the time, I was crying in my bed, almost every night. I never told them I want to come back. It was a shame for me to tell them, “Oh, I am unhappy, oh I am not good”; I didn't want to tell them. But the third year it was okay. A lot of very good friends from Belgium, from America, from Congo, from Holland, which I am still friends with—with Marion, Nadia, Sonya, and Elian. Some weekends, we went to France with the permission of the… la directrice and we had a lot of fun because we were going out.

If it was raining, we went to the movie, and then after sixteen years old, we met some boys, [laughs] but we couldn't go out without, uh, educatrice.

We had a friend from University of Liege. She was older. Once, was her birthday and a few boys were there from university. They were all there. And then we took a picture. I sent it for my brothers Reza and Bijan. Bijan when he was mad at me, he, he sent it for my father. He said, this is your daughter, she's not studying in Belgium. She's dancing [laughs]. He got mad, he didn't say anything to me.

Nikou: When she got home from Belgium that summer, my grandmother's parents told her that she was going to be a fiancée. She was seventeen and a half at the time.

Grandmother: I said, I, I don't want to be married now because I'm too young, I want to go to America to join my brothers, Reza, Bijan and Mehti for university. And they said, okay, we make you fiancée, and then you can go. I said, okay, but, it never happened. Suddenly, they said, no, you have to marry him. It was very fast.

Nikou: Her parents arranged for the boy's family to come over and meet her, to ask for her hand in marriage.

Grandmother: The sister, the mother and the aunt. The sister was always, “Oh my brother is so handsome. Oh, my brother is so and so and so,” you know? He, he was not tall. He was not handsome. He was okay. And… my parents were talking with them and… I didn't say anything. I said hello.

Nikou: After meeting each other a few times, they got married.

Grandmother: Few months later, we had a big ceremony, not very exciting. And then after the wedding, we were always with friends and party and going out. He was every night coming to pick me up and we went to the movie, to restaurant, to cabaret, and I always took my friends Soudi and her boyfriend Rodrique from Belgium because I didn't want to go alone with him. It was fun, but I never loved him. In the beginning I liked him, but not love. It’s not the same. I said, this is life. I was thinking, this is life.

Nikou: Later on, her father admitted that he wouldn't have had her get married so young if he had never seen that picture of her partying in Belgium. He even suggested for her to get divorced.

Grandmother: He told my mother, if it not happened, I never said yes to that. But for me, it was a shame to be divorced at nineteen years old. Then, I divorce after when your mother was ten years old, and Ali was seven.

Nikou: Were you ever upset with your parents afterwards or with your brother?

Grandmother: No, no. He said, are you happy? Can I help? Can I do something? I know it's my fault. I said, no, it’s okay. At my age, now, and in my situation, now? I am very happy, I have Fifi, I have Ali, I have Nikou and Leyli… that's it. This is enough to be happy.

Nikou: Speaking with my grandmother about her marriage was an interesting experience for me to say the least, because I had never heard about this side of her life. So it was crazy for me to think about how different her teenage years were from mine and what life was like for her in Iran at my age.