Bear Bear

By Lola

"My mom clutched the bear as she talked, rocking it slightly. It made me a bit sad, like seeing a flicker of my mom as a child."

Lola: What are you holding, mommy?

Mom: I have my teddy bear from my childhood.

Lola: Hmm.

Mom: [Laughs]

Lola: How did you get your teddy bear?

Mom: Well, my mom, dad would play Mahjong often in other people's homes.

[Ambient sounds; a door opening, voices speaking indistinctly]

They stayed in touch with a lot of their friends from China. So, for some reason, we were at one of their friends’ house. And they had this, there was this teddy bear there, so I gravitated towards it and I took it and played with it. But then I also would not let it go.

Lola: My mom clutched the bear as she talked, rocking it slightly. It made me a bit sad, like seeing a flicker of my mom as a child.

Mom: So when we left, they gave it to me. And then I had it. That, and my, I had a security blanket that I kept with me at all times.

Lola: What's your bear's name?

Mom: My bear's name is Bear Bear.

Lola: Why is your bear so precious to you? Why do you keep it?

Mom: I keep it because it kept me company… when I was young, my parents would fight all the time. So, I always had it with me. I didn't feel safe growing up.

Lola: What is your favorite memory with this teddy bear?

Mom: It's not my favorite memory, but it's a memory that stands out because, my mom washed it in the washing machine, and the legs, the stuffing from the legs fell off. I was really angry. She never asked me about it. And she, you know, she didn't take care to wash it in, like a net or something like with a fragile item, so I was really pissed off. And so, what she did, which also really pissed me off was by fixing it she put rice in the legs and sewed it back up, which it still has, today. So it's like he has edema, cause it's like all, like really heavy in the legs.

So I, I also always wanted to fix it, but I never done it. Um, so that's a very strong memory. I don't really have a particular memory of when anything… especially, like, good. It was just, I just always had it with me.