A Letter to My Sister

by Sarah Meraz

“In a few months or by the time you're hearing this, my sister will be graduating and moving to her college campus, far away from the place we call home.”

Sarah: At the beginning of my high school life, I was known as Sylvia's sister. My teachers believed that maybe I was going to be just like her. I disliked high school for the absurd reason that everyone held expectations that I'm like her. There have been a few times where I just wanted to throw hands. Remember the sayings on eyebrows? They're sisters, not twins. It gets annoying when people compare us. What I would want for people to understand is that… we're not the same.

Sylvia: I get mad. Like I get really, really mad. For one, like, it… we don't even look like siblings and stuff like that, like, you can see some similarities, but like, we're not the same. Like I'm, what is it, like better at English and you're better at math than I am. And it's just, like… what is it, like, I'm a little bit taller than you are. And so then you have better eyebrows than I do. It’s like you're darker skinned than I am. And just, cause like, we're two very different individuals.

Sarah:Like, I don't like the fact that people expect us to, like—

Sylvia: Act the same.

Sarah: Well, I'm going to talk to you about my sister, Sylvia. She's a very studious and open-minded person, and she's always willing to help others.

Sylvia: I like advocating for the community and advocating for people who… don't really have that much of a say in other places, I guess. I like standing up for people who don't have voices. I like being able to take care of people. And, like, being able to, I guess like continue advocating. That's who I describe myself as, a queer Latina who likes speaking about stuff. Yeah.

Sarah: There are many words to describe her, but I can't think of the right words. I believe that we have our fair shares of similarities and differences.

Sylvia: I mean, she's really headstrong, she's very guarded with her feelings… like, she's not as open as I am, which I think I could admire. She doesn't take any, like, smack, or she doesn't take anything like that, like, the way I usually do. She's not as sensitive as I am, which I guess I could admire too because there's like days that I… kind of want to cry. And she… just gets over it. She's like, "You know what? This ain't for me, and I'm going to leave." But me on the other hand, I just cry. So I think I could describe that she understands when she doesn't understand something. But… and it's really different from who I really am, because I know when I'm wrong, I don't want to be wrong.

Sarah: I'm very thankful for my older sister and her company. Although, in certain moments there have been times where I have to look out for myself. I had to protect myself, and at times, I wasn't able to rely on her. As we grew older, I was the one who looked out for her and I'd do it all over again, if it came to her protection and care. Of course we get into arguments, and to me she would be really annoying, but, that's how anyone with a sibling would feel.

Sylvia: Honestly with our relationship with you being in sibling wise, it just like, I feel like the younger sister, cause like, you do have a lot more responsibilities. Um… because mom does, like, put a lot more responsibility on you. It kind of feels being a younger sister towards you, but there's some occasions where I do feel a big sister, and occasions for, like, Yolo when I helped out with that, and helping out with some of the stories, and like some editing and stuff that. I feel a big sister.

Sarah: From time to time, I get gloomy. In a few months or by the time you're hearing this, my sister will be graduating and moving to her college campus, far away from the place we call home. The thought of her leaving and not coming back is scary because I've been with her my whole life. There are times where we are apart from each other, but in those moments, I know she'll be back. Honestly, I don't want her to leave. We created memories together, good and bad. I'm not ready for us to grow up and be apart from each other. I think the real reason why I don't want her to leave is because I'm scared of the reality of this world we live in, and the harm it might bring her.

Sylvia: I thought, like, a lot of like scary things would only happened in, like, SVU… and stuff like that? But like… I started looking more and more and I'm like, "God,” like, “Wow. Why?” And then you look at like what the government has to say about most of it and it's just like… like, they really don't care, you know. And especially they don't care for people that look me and you. And it's just like, that's a really scary thought, um… to think about. Because like, wow, like I don't have to worry about the monsters under my bed—

Sarah: I have to do worry about the monsters outside my door.

Sylvia: Yeah. Just like, talking about outside world, things are really scary. Um… I guess, like, in this point of my life, uh… hitting, like… I wouldn't say the climax of it, that's, like, a midlife crisis, but hitting the climax of being… of like being a teenager of this part of the movie. Just like, I'm hitting the climax where it's just, like, not leaving you, but getting a different set of actors.

Sarah: I want her to know that I always have her back. Unless it's against me—that would be a big, fat no. But that's not the point. The point is, Sylvia, if you're listening to this, I want you to know that you are my favorite and only sister, an outstanding young woman, and I'm very proud of you. Sincerely, your younger sister, Sarah.

Sarah: Do you know how much I love pizza? This is serious. It's not a joke. What are you talking about?

Sylvia: It's like, who are you laughing at? That's a serious question.Sarah: Yeah, like it's a serious question. Do you know how much I like pizza though?

Sylvia: You like pizza a lot. You can compare them. Yeah.

Sarah: Okay. On a scale from one to 10.

Sylvia: A scale from one to 10, um… I think you like pizza, like, a seven.

Sarah: You messed up, you said seven and I said a hundred.

Sylvia: Oh my God, Sarah, it's—

Sarah: No, no, no.

Sylvia: It's a seven.