Meme’s Love

By Ruby

“My grandma's story reminds me of her strength, and her fearlessness after coming out is something I want to hold with me for the rest of my life.”

Janina: You know how it is about Millie, like… it's hard to put into words. Now I'm going to cry. Because, because it's something, it was something about her energy. And I remember it was you or Nika who, who said I'll always remember her hug.

Ruby: This is my grandma Meme talking about her late wife Camille. As a queer young woman, I wanted to talk to my grandma about what it was like growing up in the fifties, and her experience falling in love with a woman at the age of forty-seven.

Janina: So in the 1950s, you know, women didn't wear pants, right? Women wore dresses, they were very prim and proper, you know, you… saved yourself for marriage. Women were Housewives. And my mother, my mother really fought that idea. And my father, actually… my father actually, I think, encouraged us to have our own minds and to pursue our own ambitions. And so that kind of included… sexuality.

Ruby: Although her parents defied a lot of the societal expectations for what a woman's life should look like, my grandma didn't think about her own sexuality consciously until she was a grown woman.

Janina: I remember one of my first crushes was… when I was in eighth grade was a senior girl. You know, it never occurred to me I would be attracted to a girl. I mean, you know, until I looked back and said, Janina, who did you have the big crush on, in eighth grade? And then it was like, oh yeah.

Ruby: When, when was that, like, realization?

Janina: That was probably after I met Camille and I was surprised that I was attracted to her. And then I thought, well… why are you so surprised?

Ruby: My grandma and her wife, Camille had the most tender type of love. Camille had warm brown eyes, a shining smile, and rosy apple cheeks that shook when she laughed. Her easy presence fit with my grandma's perfectly, the ying to her yang. But their simple love came from hard transition, because Janina was already married when she met Camille.

Ruby: Do you feel like, Millie… was like your soulmate?

Janina: Absolutely. Absolutely.

Ruby: When did you, like, know that?

Janina: You know, I think I knew that when we fell in love, because, I mean, I could have stopped it, but… if it's your soulmate, you don't. You know, I wouldn't have broken up a happy marriage and a happy family for just anybody [both laugh].

Ruby: And what was it like coming out to people, I ask.

Janina: Coming out to people was the hardest thing I ever did in my whole life.

Ruby: Mm.

Janina: I mean, there were… you know, there were other things about the breakup of the family that were tough, but, having to tell people I'm with a woman, was like… like… see, no, [laughs], standing up in front of the world and saying, I'm doing something… that is not socially acceptable. And even though rationally, I didn't believe that… it still was—I feel like that's… that, that really changed me, because, I couldn't lie to people. But having to tell them was really hard. I burst into tears almost every time I would tell somebody [laughs], because it was so, it felt so huge. But I felt like after that, I, like, I really wasn't afraid of anything. Because I’d just done the hardest thing that I could ever do.

Ruby: My grandma's story reminds me of her strength, and her fearlessness after coming out is something I want to hold with me for the rest of my life.